Entries tagged as ‘boring’
I don’t care about Miley Cyrus; I barely even know who she is. Though wasn’t that the name of John Malkovich’s character in Con Air? Which is certainly a contender for only decent reason why Nicholas Cage should be allowed to make movies - not to mention a vest.
I certainly haven’t watched any Smiley Virus videos. Like, ever. So the only possible reason I can think of why My YouTube Recommendations should offer two videos (out of three) of this, presumed, piece of jailbait poplette ass is that either: a) Miley Cyrus now makes up 77% of everything on the internet or b) the recommendation thing is just plain silly. Whichever one it is, neither are very interesting to talk about.
The other current meme making its way across the blogosphere is this Olympics viral campaign thing that’s being over-shared to death. It’s almost enough to incite me to write a How to Spend a Few Hours Online without Being Bored by People Talking About the Olympics post.
Here’s a quick how-to on “how to” block the Olympics from your personal infosphere:
1. Try to spend as much time reading your feeds on Google Reader - actively seeking knowledge is so anti-progress anyway - and install this script to add a filter. Enter Smellympic terms in the exclude box and rejoice at your shitty contest free world.
2. If you have to venture into the wilds of the web this approach is no good. To give yourself a fighting chance of remaining a Fairly Interesting Person, use the negative Google search operator. If you use ‘-olympics’ after every search term, your value over life ratio will increase.
3. In extreme cases, you may need to use one of those netnanny products (In the future, I’d like to see some stats showing the relationship between NetNanny’d homes and kids who end up as porn stars/crack whores/rapists) and see if they can be switched to block all Gay-lympic stuff instead of the good stuff. Extra bonus, using these programs you can even protect yourself from instant messenging conversations with people talking about the Dullympic Lames! I may apply that to any conversations I have with chicks which don’t devolve into cybering after five mins. Cut those prick-teases off!
And that’s my key to a far more fulfilling lifestyle over the next…however many days/weeks/months this thing lasts for. Can’t we just go back to being afraid/exploiting of China and stop pretending to give a shit that their hosting of the games is the first step to greater inclusion with the ‘global community’?
Categories: News
Tagged: block, boring, celebrity, miley cyrus, olympics, video, who?, youtube
Belatedly continuing my ongoing series detailing the three potential candidates for the next US presidency, it is the turn of Hillary ‘Insert stereotypically tenacious creature here” Clinton - aka The First Female President, Question Mark - to receive my disinterested appraisal.
Despite repeatedly being victim to resounding losses, Mrs. Clinton has continued to campaign with all the vigour of someone who clearly doesn’t give a fuck about public opinion - exactly the type of person America is used to voting into office. Despite this apparent advantage, the senate’s most fistable lady of a certain age still seems to be struggling to be heard. Maybe it’s because her accusations that the media ‘has it in for her’ are true, or maybe it’s because she’s a woman? But maybe it’s simply down to the fact that she’s a bit of a twat whose website is littered with pictures like the one below.
On a side note, I always found it interesting how famous American women are praised when they stand by their spouses after they’ve been found to be cheating bastards. I’m sure it’ll be the same in the UK, but I can’t help but think that, in a perfect world, they’d be encouraged to beat the sleazy fuckwits in the groin with a weight that corresponds with their own ego. Oh, Dante how much I could teach you about sweet irony…
Regardless, Clinton is the woman I would vote for if I could. I can’t help but feel that the inevitable lack of any meaningful change after her victory would be far less disappointing than if her fresher-faced competitor should win. It’s a moot point, however, as the entire buzz around this Obama/Clinton face-off is largely driven by the excitement felt by the Democrats for a contest they can’t help but win. At the end of the day, if the average American is faced with a choice between a black man and a strong woman, they’ll chose a gun.
Categories: News
Tagged: america, barack obama, boring, cheater, democrat, gun, hillary clinton, john mccain, politics, president, twat
As a Briton who has taken hardly any interest in America’s latest reality TV spectacle, aka the presidential race, I feel particularly well-suited to offer my own insightful commentary. By my reckoning, there are three forerunners in this uniquely American clusterfuck - John McCain, the no-nonsense, one-time torture victim who looks set to make a barely noticeable blip in the future of the Republican party (for anyone new to US politics, think of The Empire out of Star Wars), and Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton, the two contenders for the Democrat party (think of The Empire out of Spaceballs).
The candidates are all spending the GDP of a small country every month to smear their fellow party members and convince the masses that they are, in fact, the second coming of Christ - but who should you support? Don’t bother thinking about it, let me tell you as I turn the spotlight on the big three candidates for the next presidency of that country we all love to hate…unless you’re an Iraqi, in which case I think the only thing you’re feeling is hate. That and the searing pain of that piece of shrapnel digging deeper into your spine.
Let’s kick things off by focusing on the man nobody wants to see fail (just in case he cries) Senator Barack “he’s going to cry if he wins anyway” Obama, after the piccy…
This hopefully satirical image was created by Blytzkrieg on DeviantArt. As a black man, Obama is clearly guilty of something. As a Democrat, what he’s guilty of is sodomising his islamo-fascist boyfriend with an aborted foetus. Despite this, Obama has somehow attracted enormous support from the types of people across the internet who think that supporting him will somehow get them laid.
In terms of political agenda, well, nobody really cares because he’s just so gosh-darn charming and his smile makes my dangly bits go all tingly. His supporters may say that it’s because of this charm that he has been able to remain dirt-free throughout a campaign that has not ignored the noble tradition (shared by both American politicians and rhesus monkeys) of fervent shit-slinging. Unfortunately, the real reason there are no flies on him is because Senator Obama has done nothing of interest throughout the whole of his career and thus has an unfair advantage over the other candidates who’ve actually made decisions and done stuff.
His name also sounds suspiciously terrorist.
Conclusion - Vote for Obama if you think that doing so will somehow make you seem edgy and cool, but try not to lose sight of the fact that, when all is said and done, he’s still a smarmy, rich tosser.
Categories: News
Tagged: barack obama, boring, democrat, hillary clinton, john mccain, politics, reality TV, tosser, USA
