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Entries from August 2007

There’s fucked up, and then there’s US Army fucked up

August 30, 2007 · No Comments

Image created by esteemed Deviant Partridge.

America’s Army Videogames War

I can’t believe I’ve only just read about this! And I especially can’t believe that I found this blindingly horrific piece of news buried in the bottom corner of page 12 in a British videogaming magazine, imaginatively (or suavely), titled Games(TM).

I am talking, of course, about the Army Gaming Championship - one of the most worryingly depressing and shamefully cynical competitions since Stalin pulled “Simon says, stand up if you’re a dissident” during a national contest of the popular game back in 1935. Sponsored by the US Army, the AGC invites videogamers to compete for cash prizes playing titles such as Gears of War, Resistance and COD3 - but only if they consent to being interviewed by a recruitment officer. What this suggests to me is that, even if they are lacking in equipment, tactics, leadership, ethics, resources and an exit strategy, the US Army (or at least the marketing and recruitment corps) still possess plenty of guts.

The Army Gaming Championship kicked off on the historically significant 4 July (significant, that is, because it evokes memories of Will Smith and Jeff Goldblum buddying it up to comedic effect in the classic movie, SFX-Fest III - Return of the Exploding Buildings) and has a fully-fledged website so you can follow the progress of the impressionable idiots taking part - take this guy (one of the homepage “popular profiles) for example…

Games(TM) end their decisive, if short, article on a very resonant note, saying: “…the goal seems worryingly clear: to make people associate war with having fun and winning money in an attempt to encourage them to sign up for service.”

At a time when a videogame that pushes the boundaries of violence to such an extent that it has been banned in the UK (yes, Manhunt 2, I’m talking about you), I find it mind-blowing that such a brazen act of irresponsibility can be undertaken by the US Army without cries of “WTF!?”. Though, should I be surprised? American marketing has never been famed for its subtlety, so I should probably expect the recruitment (or, dare I say it, indoctrination) of their youngsters into the armed forces to follow a similarly in-your-face trend. After all, if any of you have had the misfortune to visit the website of the US Army (the slogan of which I cleverly twisted to become the title of this article), you will see that it presents itself like a cheesy videogame.

Suggestion for a new Army motto: Lure ‘em in, send ‘em out, cart ‘em back (but keep the images of this off of CNN please).

US Army wants you

Categories: Videogames

Official - Jokes about the holocaust make my mum laugh

August 30, 2007 · No Comments

Not as bad as it sounds. But true, nonetheless.

Categories: Nationalism

Animated Lily Allen

August 28, 2007 · 1 Comment

Watch the animated Lily in action here

cartoon lily allen

Fuck or chuck?

Categories: Fuck or Chuck

Supergirl Movie - who will play the maid of might?

August 28, 2007 · 8 Comments

Supergirl. Don’t get me started.

Supergirl cover

Is it too much to ask that the supremely boffable cousin of the Last Son of Krypton eventually stars in her own movie? Personally, I would like the next Superman flick to co-star the skirt-tastic superbabe in a movie that departs radically from the old Reeves-era style, the tone of which was carried on in Brian Singer’s latest. Tragically, this is a topic that occupies my mind on a regular basis and, one day, I may pour my vision onto the pages of this blog…

Until then, there are more pressing matters than the storyline - the choice of actress to play Kara Zor-El. Odds are, the powers that be will pick some undiscovered talent who makes an enthusiastic entrance into the world of stardom before disappearing from our radar, her spirit being kept alive on the internets cached within the hive of fake nude and nipple slip sites.

Still, we can dream - so here are five of my possible choices for the role of Supergirl in my imaginary movie…what are your thoughts?

5. Elisha Cuthbert

Elisha Cuthbert bikini

My first choice. She has the looks, the body and the attitude to pull off the angsty and aggressive Supergirl I have in mind. I am only hesitant because I don’t think I’ve ever seen her, y’know, act or anything.

4. Hayden Panettiere

Hayden Panettiere cheerleader

Already experienced at playing a hero, Hayden would be an excellent, if obvious, choice. She’s also a teenager still, which fits in perfectly with the story of Kara being sent back to ‘babysit’ her infant cousin. She will be able to pull off a far more naive and innocent Supergirl, while still looking freakishly hot in a cape.

3. Brittany Murphy

Brittany Murphy legs

No, hear me out. Although a bit old - I guess - Brittany’s got that youthful thang about her that might just work in making her a bit more of a crunky Supergirl. The Murphy Kara is far more distraught and torn about finding herself on an alien planet - she’s off the rails, confused and infused with incredible powers from our yellow sun. Yikes.

2. Scarlett Johnanssen

Scarlett Johanssen

One of the most gorgeous women in the world, Scarlett Johanssen already looks like she was lovingly crafted from the pen of the world’s greatest comic book artist. Again, her ability to act must be brought into question and there’s the risk that she will suck all the fun from the movie. It will be worth it though. Oh yes, it will be worth it.

1. Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton sexy

The queen of all-that-is-wrong-in-the-world may be the perfect candidate to bring Supergirl back to the big screen. Why? Well, she’ll be an interesting draw - guaranteeing a budget at least. She occasionally looks quite hot in a trashy way, which might work. Umm…no, you’re right. That’s an awful idea. Unless you did a parallel universe kinda story where Kara landed in a trailer park and was brought up to be a moronic media whore? It might work.

What do you folks think?

Categories: Supergirl

Bank Holiday Monday Faceplant-Fest

August 27, 2007 · No Comments

Guy attempts back-flip off a vending machine.

Rollerblader gets what he deserves for…well…rollerblading.

Kid on bike does nothing impressive and then lands on his face.

Fat guy falls on face. This should be a national sport.

Two guys try something clever with cocky guy. Cocky guy breaks face.

Categories: Faceplant